Monday, the announced acquisition of Humorix World Domination, Inc.(FAUX), by Microsoft, Inc.(MSFT) of Redmond Washington, is to be challenged at what was to the be last meeting of what pundits have come to call the "pre-assimilation" board. The remaining stock holders, primarily represented by one Melissa S. Braughn, are challenging the direction the newly Microsoft dominated board are taking the company. "Until the disastrous revelations of Humorix financial troubles, World Domination by 2005 had been the company's driving goal. Now with Microsoft calling the shots, it seems that goal has completely collapsed. How is this best serving Humorix remaining shareholders?" asked a representatives of Ms. Braughn.
Braughn, though holding only 0.002% of outstanding Humorix stock, made plain in a letter to the other 5 shareholders, that she feels "The Microsoft acquisition is in diametrically opposition to the VISION the founders of this company had. It is time for those of us with the most to lose to call on the Humorix board to live up to the tenants of the 'Humorix Way'." When asked what the 'Humorix Way' was, Braughn had no comment.
Braughn apparently received Humorix stock as a gift. It was unclear what relationship Ms. Braughn had to the company's founder, James Braughn. However, investigations of S.E.C. reports indicate that Ms. Braughn may have received the stock as a tip when she was working at a Stuckies. "At the time I was tempted to use it as fire starter, but it had this silly little penguin on it ..." Ms. Braughn posted on usenet in 1999.
The acquisition has left both former and current Humorix employees ambivalent. One former employee, G. E. Trich has found his time at Humorix to have been very valuable. Of the layoff, Trich states, "It was just the motivation I needed to start my own business. I'm now talking with several clients who need just the services I can offer." Trich is now head of Tri-Valley Shredding and Waste Disposal.
Others have not fared so well. Noah M. Morals, former Chief Counsel for Humorix, Inc. has found his new position as Head Windows Systems Administrator (or head server rebooter) physically challenging. Morals suffered a massive heart attack as a result of his new duties. Unfortunately, under Microsoft, Humorix has adopted Microsoft's Doctor.net initiative for employee health care. Says Morals, "I nearly died when the damned Paper clip wearing a lab coat came up on the server's screen and asked if I was pregnant. I tried to indicate that the pain was in my chest, but that just led 'Clippy' to start asking about lumps in my breasts."
Morals survived but only by phoning M911 (Microsoft's emergency server support team) and insisting that there was a hamster trapped in the mail Server's cooling fan that would be macerated if the Exchange server was ever brought up. The responding veterinarians were able to install an artificial bypass system and Mr. Morals seems to be responding well to the immunosupressants.
Analysts are perplexed by the apparent proxy fight proposed by Melissa Braughn. "Even if all other share holders agree with Ms. Braughn, they can only muster 0.07% of the voting stock. I see no real possibility for successfully returning the pre-Microsoft board to power, unless there is some 'Act of God' or other bizarre occurrence," stated Ima Tool, pundit for the Ziff Davis Network of Propaganda Outlets. When asked for explanation, Ms. Tool suggested, "The death of the Microsoft appointed board by smothering in elephant dung would be one possibility. Use your imagination."
In spite of the speculation, it appears that Ms. Braughn's fight is doomed before it even starts. "How could a stock holder with so little influence change the direction of a giant like Microsoft?" asks Kover Al Bas'is, Technology reporter for the Cairo Light and Standard.
However, in the Silicon Valley in California, many analysts are betting on Braughn. "She has an understating of the intentions of the founder that no one from Redmond has taken into account," replied one accountant friend of the Humorix firm. "MS is underestimating Melissa if they think she will just go away. I knew Melisa in junior high, and she is nothing if not persistent," replied another confidant of Ms. Braughn.
Perhaps the most telling comment came from a close friend of James Braughn, the founder of Humorix, Inc. "Though James had no influence on the decisions of the current Humorix board, he is greatly encouraged by the actions of Ms. Braughn and looks forward to the day when Humorix Inc. can be returned to the control of reasonable people".