I had been unable to advise against the attack before it was made. We were beaten and knew it. Even the Krom knew but weren't rubbing our faces in the fact. They can be vicious at times but they usually treat a beaten foe with respect. When the Krom asked us to surrender over our own radio frequency, I knew that we had lost. Time to get ready to for a long period of captivity as a POW. Too many men were dead. Most of us only had three or four bullets left. Our heavy weapons had all been destroyed by the Krom's increasingly accurate artillery fire that morning. I knew we couldn't escape; they had us completely surrounded long before the battle even began. It was time to quit before all of us were killed.
Loren Jensen, Colonel commanding His Majesties, Tenth Regiment of Heavy Infantry, refused to be defeated. I tried to explain our losses and lack of ammunition to the Colonel but he simply ignored me, as he usually did. I was a Lieutenant only because my Military Occupational Skill was Intelligence. I think the Colonel considered me a defeatist and a traitor; my reports emphasized the strength of the Krom units that we were facing while pointing out our weaknesses, the painful truths. I learned that the Colonel hadn't met a reality he couldn't deny.
When the Jensen realized that the Krom were going to capture us, whatever we did, he had a really stupid idea. We transmitted our surrender to the Krom and, in moments, the artillery stopped. Stupidly, I felt relieved that the killing was over. A Krom radio operator told us to stack our weapons and wait for their soldiers to come gather us up.
The Colonel sent me as guide for the Krom. Outside the command bunker I began to cough again on the dust and smoke, kicked up in the past two days. I nearly knocked over a soldier who was standing in the middle of the trench, staring at the sky. Another, kneeling nearby, was openly crying, muddy tracks marking his face. All of the men I saw moved or just sat as if they weren't really conscious. Worst of all were the dark, empty eyes. No light; no hope.
The Krom officer was wearing a new uniform. Though his face nearly shined from scrubbing, his eyes blinked too often and his mouth was set to tightly, the slightest hint of exhaustion. More difficult than I had thought, were we?
Saluting from the lip of the shallow trench, I said, "Please follow me to the command bunker, Sir."
Returning the salute with a slight bow, the Krom officer stepped down into the trench and began to follow me back through the remains of our three lines. All around, solders were gathering in their squads but none had put their weapons down. I heard whispered comments from the aids and soldiers that had followed me. I turned back to look and unthinkingly my hand brushed my pistol butt.
Suddenly there were several clicks and ten rifles pointing at me. Only by grace did I freeze and then slowly unhook the the belt of my holster. One of the enemy soldiers roughly grabbed the gun and we began moving to the main bunker again. I forced myself to move slowly; no use in dying just before capture.
When we reached the command post Colonel Jensen stepped forward and introduced himself and his staff. Puzzled by the lengthy introductions, the Krom commander finally interrupted and asked for the Colonel's pistol and the regiment's surrender. Stopping mid sentence with a shrug, Colonel Jensen gravely drew the pistol but rather than handing it the the Krom, he shot the enemy officer in the face and then aimed to the Krom next to me. Shots began to rattle out in twos and threes from all around. Krom soldiers and members of the command group fell. I watched, frozen in place, until I saw a Krom soldier point his rifle at me.
"No, I surrender. Don't shoot, please, don't shoot!" I shouted in his language.
Rather than kill me, the solder beat me to the ground with his rifle butt and I lost consciousness.
***
I bounced awake in the back of a truck. My face felt swollen and sore. I couldn't breath through my nose, and I had a ringing headache that beat in time to the bumps in the road. I could feel warm bodies to either side of me and several voices cried out quietly at every motion of the truck.
I tried to think about what might happen to us next but the man next to me was breathing through bubbles of blood and air. When he was suddenly quiet, I tried to sit up and help him but the darkness of the truck turned to ink and I was out.
I awoke again when the truck stopped with a lurch. This time I sat up and didn't pass out. With light from outside, I could see that most of the others with me were severely wounded; some appeared to already be dead.
When the flap at the back of the truck was untied, I saw that I was sitting next to the Colonel. Most of his head was covered with bloody bandages. Jensen's uniform was torn and covered by more blood soaked bandages. He was still breathing through bubbles of blood but was alive. Why had the Krom even bothered? Why had I wasted my energy for this man last night?
One of the guards saw that I was up and told me to help unload the wounded. I was well aquanted with some of the men I carried, and knew others just by face. Most were still unconscious and others mostly incoherent.
One asked, "What's going to happen to us?"
"We'll be POW's for a while," I tried to smile and make it sound comforting.
"No, I mean those of us who shot up the surrender party?"
Suddenly chilled, I almost lost my grip under his arms. Pretending to be out of breath, I just shrugged. My subconscious was screaming danger and so I just set the man down and turned away.
I was numb by the time a guard told me to follow him and took me to a small prefabricated building that was set on the edge of the compound.
***
I landed on my face, opening some cuts again, when I was thrown into a small room that they were using for a cell. While I lay on the floor, I heard movement at my feet and then a hand was offered to help me stand. I took the cup of water he gave me before I realized the other prisoner was Yuan Lee. Yuan Lee, the only officer in the regiment I knew as a friend. We had discussed politics, philosophy, religion, and women while drinking or playing checkers. There was no reason to feel better but if God had put Yuan Lee and I together, I knew I would make it through.
Yuan Lee was not happy and asked, "Why did they bring you here?"
"They just dumped me here after I helped unload the wounded."
"The guard told me that they would bring another officer to stand in for Jensen in his trial. Are they going to call him a war criminal?"
Feeling sick, I said, "I think the charge will be murder. When an enemy kills Krom after surrendering, they see him as a terrorist. They punish terrorists with death."
"Oh, well, I guess that makes sense. But why do you think they want two men for the trial?"
The crap the military taught its officers about the Krom wasn't worth the paper it had been written on but I had studied some Krom history before the war began. Because I tested high and had learned some of the Krom language, I became an intelligence officer rather than a foot soldier when drafted.
"Colonel Jensen nearly died in ambush. I think he is pretty messed up and probably won't get better any time soon. Krom tradition demands that there be a competent defendant in a trial, even if a substitute is required. By attacking the Krom after we agreed to surrender, the Colonel and through him, the regiment, is guilty of terrorism and murder. He, or someone, must be punished for his and the regiment's crime. Since Jensen is nearly or already dead, some other member of the regiment must must stand in his place."
"One of us will be tried like we gave the order to attack? I guess that makes sense. We'll argue his case and let fate take its course. I won't be too unhappy one way or the other, I guess."
I couldn't stop myself from saying, "Actually, the verdict will apply to the substitute."
To Yuan's horrified silence, I quickly explained, "They will only ask for one volunteer. Krom believe they are honor bound to take responsibility, to die if necessary, for something their superior does."
I was overwhelmed by rage, suddenly. I wished Jensen dead, then alive so I could kill him again. If the Colonel had been in our cell, I would have strangled him without a thought.
These thoughts were interrupted by a rattle at the door as it was unlocked. A Krom soldier brought cups of porridge to us and was then replaced by an older officer.
"Colonel Jensen will most likely die tonight. Our medic's can do nothing more for him. Yet, there will be a trial for the murders your regiment committed." Though this officer had closely watched Yuan and I during these words, he now looked away.
"The man Colonel Jensen shot, was my commanding officer. The others, soldiers in our battalion. I can't ignore this but what am I to do? Justice must be done, outworlders or not."
"Do you understand?" he suddenly demanded.
Not knowing what else to do, I nodded. Yuan Lee was still, barely acknowledging the Krom officer.
"I know that you are not Krom and your ways are different than ours. We offer you this choice. One of you must take responsibility for your Colonel's crime and face the punishment in his place."
I felt my stomach lurch and my pulse began to race. Somehow, even in the truck, I had known I would have to make this decision. But not yet. A spark of hope exploded in my head.
"Sir, may the prisoner speak?" I began in Krom. Yuan Lee who had learned some Krom, was puzzled at my outburst but the officer nodded politely.
"The actions of Colonel Jensen were those of a madman. There is no excuse for what he did and I, as are all those troopers who survived, am deeply sorry for what the Colonel did. However, as you pointed out, our culture is very different from yours. We, and perhaps more importantly, the people who sent us here would see the choice you offer us as barbaric. Would it not be better to punish Jense..." the officer's slap knocked me to the ground.
"You who speak my words but don't understand their meaning, be silent! You dishonor me by saying these words." Furry filled the officer's eyes and must have choked his voice because after staring down at me for a full minute he suddenly turned from me and walked out of the cell. After ordering that our food be taken away, he locked the cell door and the light was turned off, leaving us in darkness.
I hadn't moved after the Krom had struck me. My face stung but he hadn't hit me hard. But I couldn't move. As if I had opened the valve on a fire hydrant, I began to sob silently.
After what seemed to be hours of darkness and silence, Yuan Lee asked in a voice that was polite but cool, "Dalton, what exactly did you say to that officer."
"Jensen should die for his own mess and not one of us."
"I see," after a moment he asked, "Do you really believe that?"
"I guess."
"Don't worry."
After several moments, I was again sobbing into my knees. I began feeling in the dark of my mind for my earlier anger, as if it was a rope to freedom.
"Why can't the Colonel die for his own crime? The trial will find that he did commit a crime, don't think that they won't. The soldier who shot him just carried out the sentence a bit early and botched it. What does it matter if he is dead already when they have the trial? He's the guilty one, not me, not you!"
"Dalton, I don't disagree. But there is nothing to be done. Besides, it is the honorable thing to do."
"Honor? What kind of honor? The Krom need a living, breathing, talking prisoner for their trial so they can salve their consciences that they are punishing a man and not an invalid. The trial makes them feel better. They will have dealt honorably with us when they kill one of us! Is that the kind of honor you want, Yuan Lee?"
"No. But isn't it honorable for one to be lost for the sake of many others?"
I wanted to fight with Yuan Lee, my friend. I wanted to rage. Do something but I couldn't overcome his gentle answers. I couldn't escape my shame.
I felt Yuan Lee move to sit beside me in the darkness and then his hand was on my shoulder.
"Dalton, I will take the Colonel's punishment. I know how you feel. I feel many of the same things. Colonel Jensen didn't like me much either. So I will die, not for him, but for you and the others who are alive."
"He's the one who deserves to die, not you."
"What does it matter if it is right or not? It is what will happen."
I was angry again. I hated Yuan Lee for a moment; I hated God, and most of all I hated the Colonel. I turned to face the wall and beat it with my fists and in a moment retched into the corner.
As I was panting and trying to clear the taste of bile out of my mouth, Yuan Lee held my shoulders. I could feel his sad smile as I cried into the wall.
***
I had terrible dreams that night. I was running. Something chased me and was always gaining, never catching me but always getting closer. Awaking to Yuan Lee's touch, I realized I must have been yelling. Later, I dreamt once more. We hadn't surrendered. I stood frozen in an angle of the main trench line. Everything was quiet and I saw a sniper aiming at me. Yuan Lee appeared before me, attracting the snipers attention by waving his cap in the air. He died and I laughed because I was still alive.
I woke when I heard our door being unlocked.
Two guards then entered the cell. When the officer from the previous night stepped into our small room, it was quite crowded and both Yuan and I stood.
"Who will take your Colonel's place?"
My stomach was fluttering in my chest. As if I were about to step off a cliff, I hesitated. I almost didn't do it. But, as my knees were about to collapse on their own, I knelt before the officer.
"Please allow me to redeem my honor by facing the trial and punishment for Colonel Jensen."
I tried to sit as still as possible but by now I was shivering as I realized what I had done. The officer was angry at first and moved to hit me again. But one of the guards gripped his wrist and whispered, "You must not dishonor him now."
Yuan Lee also fell to his knees and somewhat hysterically repeated my words but the Krom ignored him.
"He is unworthy," the officer hissed.
"He offered himself. You must honor that. Accept him," the guard replied, still gripping the livid officer's wrist.
Shame again filled my thoughts. Yesterday I could think of nothing but saving myself. I wasn't worthy, even of this death. Yet, I knew I would be the one. Who would reject another's offer to die in one's place?
"So be it. Both of you, come with us."
As we walked out, Yuan Lee grabbed my arm, turned away from the guards and asked, "Why?"
I only had time to say, "It should be me."
We were escorted to another prefabricated building on the other side of the prison compound. The building that was to be our courtroom was identical to the one that was our jail.
Inside the small room, the Krom had placed a very low table of planks on ammunition crates. There was no other furniture in the room. There were thee officers squatting behind the table and two guards standing behind them. We were told to sit on the floor in front of the table. The officer I had infuriated stayed outside.
One of the officers stood, motioned another man forward and began to speak in Krom. The translator said, "Sere Dalton Pandruvich, please translate the Colonel's words so that there will be no perception that we are trying to deceive you."
The guard stepped back to his corner and I waited for the Krom colonel to begin.
First he told us of the reason we were being tried, that Colonel Loren Jensen had treacherously attacked his captors after giving his honorable surrender. During the attack, three of the Krom officers and four of the men sent to accept the regiment's surrender had been killed. Jensen had clearly committed murder and even terrorism, according to Krom law and traditions.
I continued to translate while three survivors of the surrender party related the events leading up to Colonel Jensen's actions. Each of the Krom told us that they had seen Colonel Jensen offer his pistol to the Krom commander and then shoot him with it instead. After these men had left the room, the Colonel stood and said, "We will confer for a few moments and then render our decision."
With that we stood and were taken outside. The two guards ushered us out and made us sit beside the building's entrance. Yuan Lee motioned around at the buildings of the prison compound and said, "This isn't bad. Our people should be comfortable."
"They will, as long as they don't try to escape."
"What will happen then?"
"The Krom will tighten security. They may punish a few people by putting them in isolation cells. Work projects will probably be started and rations may decrease. But the Krom will respect them more if they try.
After a moment of silence, Yuan Lee said, "I'm going to take the colonel's punishment, Dalton. I am don't mind dying for him so I am going to do it."
I said nothing but when I saw that he was ready to speak again, I said, "The Krom have a funny sense of honor. Different than we think about it in our culture. Death is not dishonorable but it isn't a way for those without honor to restore it. Yet, an act of courage by a dishonored person, like facing death is an issue of honor."
"You see, Yuan Lee, you may be willing but by being unwilling, I dishonored myself yesterday in the Krom's eyes. For you, this death is not an issue of honor. Because I asked to redeem my honor, I will be the one."
One of the Majors called us back into the building and told us to sit. The Colonel stood up stiffly and began, "There really wasn't any question of whether Colonel Jensen's attack was illegal. Sere Pandruvich has asked that he be allowed to restore his honor by facing death. Though Major Nitaka considers you a despicable coward, it is the judgment of this court that you shall have the chance to prove him wrong. Do you accept this chance, Sere Pandruvich?"
Was there just a hint of a smile around his eyes and maybe approval, as if he already knew what I was going to say?
After translating the Krom colonels words, Yuan Lee demanded that I tell them that he would be the one to die. But holding my hand up to still him I said in Krom and then translated for Yuan Lee, "I am grateful for the chance to redeem my regiments sin as well as my own."
"The execution will be tomorrow. Take Sere Lee back to his quarters. Sere Pandruvich, please stay for a moment."
Yuan Lee was clearly bewildered and fearful as he was led from the building but I tried to stand and reassure him but I collapsed and nearly blacked out again as the door closed behind him.
After resting a moment, I opened my eyes to see that the Colonel and I were alone.
"Are you really sure you want to do this?"
"Yes, sir," I replied as I struggled to sit up. I must have been hit harder than I had thought at first.
"Why?"
"I shamed myself and wish to redeem my ... ," his exasperated laugh cut me off.
"Look, we aren't the stupid, ceremonial bound, barbarians you people seem to think we are. I know that our ways are different. I'll let you die if that is what you really want, but what I want to know is the real reason. Are you made despondent by the victorious march of the Krom armies?" This time there was a definite smile.
Deciding that I wasn't going to make it to my feet, I leaned back against the wall across from my smiling interrogator.
"I guess I just don't know what else to do. I feel guilty, for yesterday."
"Yes, but all of us act shamefully at times. Why should you die for this. Major Nitaka had been out on patrol all night and was angry and frustrated. Do you really care what he thinks?"
Suddenly, very tired, I replied, "No, I really don't give a damn about what he thinks. I guess I would rather it be me that died than Yuan or anyone else."
"Why?"
"Can't you just leave it alone?"
"No, Sere Dalton. I am very curious and will have my curiosity satisfied while you are still able."
Turning away, and rummaging in a rucksack at his feet, he pulled out my Bible. Holding it in his hand, he asked, "Is this why? Is it your religion that makes you feel deserving of death?"
"No! No, that's not it. What do you know of my religion anyway?"
"I have heard of your traveling storytellers, poor aliens who move throughout the country speaking of dead men coming to life, of sick being healed, and honor restored by another's death. Is this why you want to die?"
"That book leads to life not death. Look, Sir, I do not want to die; I am not suicidal. But someone must die."
"Yes."
"But if I die, I will live on, with my God, my Lord. My life will not end when my body dies but will continue."
"This doesn't make sense Sere Pandruvich."
Suddenly downcast, I almost sobbed, "I know, I know. I am sorry I can't make it clear to you. The book you hold is the truth about what I know in my heart to be true." My only chance in my life to be a missionary and I was screwing it up.
"Let me ask you this and then I will let you go: are you dying so that you might escape being a prisoner, to escape to your god?"
"No it isn't like that," suddenly desperate for someone to understand, I offered this, "Sir, I know what will happen to me if I die. I will see my God and He will call me His Son and His friend. Many in my regiment don't know my God. They are not His sons and will be doomed to eternal death."
"You are very confident in you god."
"Oh, yes. He loves me so much that He allowed His Son to die for me. If I die now, I know I will live because my God's Son conquered death."
The officer was puzzled. As he stared at me intently, I began to realize how incoherent what I had just said was. This wasn't how I had envisioned evangelizing the Krom. I felt like a helpless failure.
Finally, the Krom Colonel spoke, "Sere Dalton, I do not understand you. You speak like a priest but none that I have heard are like you, scared, yet confident, ashamed of yourself but full of pride in your God. May I keep your book? What you said amuses me and I am trying to learn to read your language."
"Yes."
Without another word, he helped me to my feet and led me outside.
When I returned to the cell, Yuan Lee grabbed my arm as soon as the door was closed and demanded, "What did you tell them?"
"He asked me why I wanted to die. I told him that I was tired of living with you and he said that sounded reasonable." I tried to smile but fell to the floor instead.
Concern and anger warred over my friend's face. "Damn it Dalton, if you don't want to tell me I will just have to beat it out of you."
When he had a blanket rolled up under my head and the room stopped spinning I explained my strange interview with the Krom Colonel.
Finally, Yuan Lee gave a bitter laugh and said, "Here you are Dalton, a condemned man and all you can think to do is spread your imperialistic religion to the enemy. Maybe the Krom will come to realize that Earth was the birthplace of the Savior of the Universe and surrender on the spot. You deserve a medal. Why, I bet even His Majesty would convert if that happened, you might ..."
"Ok, Yuan! I get your drift. Just leave me alone for a bit."
He started to say something else, but turned away instead and sat in one of the corners, facing away from me.
In Sunday School it had always sounded so easy. Even after I had gotten old enough to realize that people didn't want to be preached at but needed, were desperately longing to know Jesus, I thought that I knew how to introduce them. Talk about your life, we were taught. Talk about what you know, but tailor it to your audience. Always talk about Jesus in your life rather than just you and make sure to explain salvation at some point.
The Krom Colonel had offered me probably the only opportunity I would ever have in my life to witness to a person who was not from Earth. I hadn't said any of the things I knew to say. I had failed God once again.
Why did you put me there, Lord, and not give me the words? You said you would. You promised.
For a long time I just closed my eyes and sobbed silently with self pity. I was such a failure and worthless. I had failed and nothing could redeem me. I was so angry with God but couldn't even think that.
Finally, as if the Spirit had been waiting for the storm to subside, I thought of Laura.
My beloved Laura had been deeply scared when I got my draft notice. Lightly, I had told her not to worry and to remember that I had God on my side and that He wasn't going to let His missionary to the Krom come to any harm. That started a rollicking debate over the virtues of the various places each of us wanted to do "God's work" which ended abruptly when I joked that I might get a head start with the Krom if I was captured. That night she had gone home without saying another word.
We had only spoken once of what she might do if I was killed. I tried to encourage her that she could live a life without me. Finally, perhaps in exasperation she said, "I will do what must be done because my God has ransomed me with His very son. His ways are mysterious and if He should take you, I will learn to live on in Him."
His ways are certainly mysterious.
That night, Yuan Lee asked, "Why did you do it? This isn't some foolish expression of guilt for wanting Jensen to die, is it? Are you trying to pay for that 'sin?'"
"My sins have nothing to do with this, Yuan. It is all about life, your life."
"Do you mean to say that you are doing this for me? You stupid bastard, is that what you are saying?" He was kneeling beside me and gripping my shoulders tightly, tears on his face.
"Yes."
"Why? Why should I live and you die? I have no one. My parents died when San Diego was hit. I have no girlfriend. No one will miss me. Who would miss me if I were the one to die?"
"I would miss you for eternity, my friend."
"What about me, I would die happy if I knew you would live. Why should you be the one to sacrifice himself?"
"Because you won't be waiting for me, if I let you die. You won't live beyond death if you die. I can't imagine eternity without your friendship. I want you to have another chance to find the God I know, the God who is."
By this point we were both sobbing. I sat up and hugged him and we wept into each other's shoulders for what seemed hours.
***
At last, Yuan Lee moved away from me and without another word, he lay down facing the wall. I tried to sleep but instead found myself debating my motives with the darkness. I didn't want to die but I knew that sometimes following Jesus meant death. Was this one of those times? Was I right? Should I die for Yuan Lee?
I prayed more that night than I had in all the time I had spent with the regiment. By morning, I wasn't any more sure of the answer than I had been the night before. But then it was a moot point. Three guards opened the door to the cell. The soldiers were in their normal battle dress but one of the soldiers also wore a long steel sword at his waist. His hair was cut in a short military burr that didn't hide its snowy color. This man who would be my executioner was as old as my father. Yet, it wasn't very difficult to imagine him as his ancestors might have looked.
Yuan Lee helped me struggle to my feet; I thought he would say goodbye now but instead he turned to the executioner and said, "We have decided that I will take punishment for Colonel Jensen," he then turned and looked at me, "It has to be this way Dalton."
Before I could speak, one of the Krom soldiers smashed Yuan Lee in the face with his rifle butt. The other, obviously not understanding Standard, turned first to to the executioner and then pointed his rifle at me.
Before more damage could be done, I shouted in the Krom's language, "Stop! If you respect our rights as prisoners, don't hit him again. He doesn't understand your ways. Stop, please."
I knelt by Yuan Lee, "Are you O.K.?"
He smiled through cracked lips, "Think we look like twins, Dalton?"
I tried to smile again, "Don't get up before I leave. They think that you were dishonoring me."
He started to speak, but I put my finger to his lips.
"For the Krom, once such a decision has been made it is very dishonorable to ask someone to reconsider. It is similar to calling the man a coward. They are taking me to be alone for a while so that I can get ready to die. I have to go now; I love you more than I could ever explain."
I stood and turned to the executioner. "I am ready." As we left the cell, Yuan Lee just lay on his back. Perhaps he was crying.
This world's star had just come up over the horizon. It was more beautiful than I had remembered from the past few weeks of battle. Some animal was calling, off away from the prison compound. I thought that maybe this was a fine day to die, after all.
The three soldiers brought me out to a bare spot in the center of compound and and moved away to give me privacy. I didn't know what to do, though. Now I was starting to get impatient and my head was really hurting. What a thing to think when one is about to die, but I really did think 'lets get on with this.'
Finally, I prayed for everyone I could think of, even Colonel Jensen.
Then it was time.
Everyone was brought out of the shelters that had been set up around the compound during the previous days, even the wounded in stretchers. I couldn't see if Jensen was still among them. I experienced a moment of pure hatred for the man as I realized that he might get to watch my execution for his crimes. But then I saw Yuan Lee stagger out of our cell and, praise God, I didn't ever think about why I was doing this again.
Most of the men had little idea of what was going on and cared even less. But I could see that some of them had begun to put it together and were passing their guesses around. It didn't matter; they would know soon enough.
The Krom Colonel read out the charges and the verdict again and waited while one of the guards read it in standard.
Now, I watched the executioner as he stepped up to me. He had a blindfold in his hand and some ropes. When he offered the blindfold to me, I waved it away. He then gently tied my hands behind my back and steadied me as I swayed.
So here I stand and am a little disappointed that he holds his pistol in his hand rather than the gleaming sword.
He takes careful aim at my face, and ...
End.
1992, Robert G. Werner, revised, 1997
Copyright 2000, Robert G. Werner
robert@inreachtech.netEloquence is logic on fire.